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Thesis: Does the writer include a clear thesis at the end of the introduction that states the specific specific main points about causes, effects, and solutions to the problem?Note it. Is it clear and...

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  1. Thesis: Does the writer include a clear thesis at the end of the introduction that states the specific specific main points about causes, effects, and solutions to the problem?Note it. Is it clear and specific about what main points the writer will focus on? Does it match with the rest of the essay and the discussion in the conclusion?



The last sentence in the introduction is “Domestic violence might bring about fatalities or extreme actual damage.” This sentence could be a good thesis, but needs to be revised with the addition of a solution(s).










  1. Introduction:Is the opening engaging, and does the introduction provide relevant background information and context about the problem to lead into the thesis? Give suggestions for making the introduction more effective.



The introduction does provide a lot of background information on domestic violence, including a definition. I think defining all of the things that can be considered abuse helps shed some light on how large an issue it really is.






  1. Body Paragraphs:Notice the topic sentences.List the main points of each body paragraph. Do the writer’s body paragraphs develop and support clear and focused main points about the causes, effects, and solutions to the problem, and do these points also relate back to and support the thesis?Note places where body paragraphs seem to lose focus or lack a clear or relevant main point.




The writer does have specific (labeled) body paragraphs that address the causes, affects and solutions to the problem but it is difficult to identify the topic sentences. I think when revising the writer should make edits with conciseness in mind as to not confuse the reader. I also think that being more specific with the solution(s) recommended would be helpful.






  1. Development and Support: Does the writer develop and support all main points with specific and appropriate evidence that would be convincing for an academic audience? Note places where the writer could add more supporting evidence.




I think the writer does a good job providing evidence and statistics except for the solution paragraph. This would be a much stronger essay if more specific suggestions/evidence could be provided for the solution.






  1. Conclusion: Does the writer revisit the thesis and address the SO WHAT--why this problem matters, etc.--in the conclusion? Give suggestions for how student could improve the conclusion.




I can’t identify a conclusion paragraph. I believe the writer ends with the solution.






  1. Sources and citations: Does the writer cite all uses ofcredibleoutside sources--both quotes and paraphrased facts--using appropriate MLA citation format for both in-text citations and a works cited list?




The works cited page looks good, and I would say the same for the in-text citations. I think the writer chose good, reliable sources for this essay. I did find that the first three sentences of “Context Of The Problem” may need citations. There doesn’t appear to be any language referring to a source so there likely needs to be an in-text citation.





  1. What othersuggestionsdo you have for this writer to revise both globally and locally? What are the two or three biggest issues this writer did well, and what could the writer work on to revise?



I think the writer did a good job providing a lot of information to make this a compelling issue. They opened with definitions that highlighted the wide scope of the problem and provided a lot of shocking statistics on the frequency of domestic violence. Additionally, I think the sources used were credible and cited well. I would say that some of the information could be considered “dated” as it was nearly 20 years ago. It might be beneficial to find more current numbers for those specific statistics. I am also curious about the sources in the works cited page. Many sources reference the impacts of COVID on Domestic abuse, but I didn’t see that addressed in the essay. It might be beneficial to include information on that as well as it may lead into causes/solutions. Finally, revising for conciseness would be very helpful.

Answered 2 days After Apr 18, 2023

Solution

Bidusha answered on Apr 20 2023
25 Votes
Ibtessam Abdelsayed
Prof: Jennifer Hitchcock
ENG 11
4/11/2023
Introduction
A pattern of conduct utilized in any relationship to obtain or hold power and command over a cozy accomplice is known as domestic abuse, in some cases known as "domestic violence" or "private accomplice violence." Domestic abuse can be defined as a coercive, threatening, or hurtful physical, sexual, profound, or psychological way of behaving towards someone else. This incorporates any activities that scare, threaten, control, incur hurt, emba
ass, or find fault with someone else. Anyone can encounter domestic violence, no matter what their nationality, age, sexual direction, religion, or orientation. It might occur in various circumstances, including ones between wedded, living together, or dating couples. Individuals from different financial beginnings and instructive levels are influenced by domestic abuse.
Domestic abuse might influence everybody, no matter what their age, identity, orientation, sexual direction, religion, or societal position. Some other family part, including a youngster or other family, may likewise be a survivor of domestic violence. Domestic violence frequently appears as a pattern of oppressive lead towards a close accomplice in a heartfelt or familial relationship, where the abuser practices control and authority over the person in question. Domestic violence might appear as close to home, physical, monetary, or sexual abuse. Rarely are occu
ences secluded; all things considered, their recu
ence and force will more often than not increment with time. Domestic violence might
ing about fatalities or extreme actual damage.
Background
To understand the issue of domestic violence it is important to understand the background of this issue in the United States. In the US, domestic violence alludes to violence that happens in a domestic setting. Domestic violence can allude to different kinds of family violence, for example, violence against youngsters, violence committed by kids against their folks, or violence committed by kin residing in a similar family, notwithstanding the way that it regularly happens between accomplices with regards to a close connection. Legislative and non-legislative associations have recognized it as a serious cultural issue, and the US Congress has passed various Violence Against Women Acts with the end goal to alter the course. Orientation and sexual direction are not obstructions to domestic abuse exploitation. Men have added every now and again the objectives of domestic violence, particularly in instances of physical accomplice abuse. Women are all the more habitually the casualties of domestic violence and are more probable than guys to endure wounds or well-being repercussions because of the attacks. Domestic abuse is an issue for sizable bits of LGBT couples (Menon). In the US, socially and monetarily weak gatherings habitually experience higher paces of domestic violence than different gatherings.
For example, more than 60% of Local American women experience physical abuse from an accomplice or spouse during their lives (Hegarty et al., 2020). As per a few insightful explorations on the issue, domestic violence regularly includes different kinds of physical and non-physical abuse happening simultaneously and is habitually a part of a dynamic of control and mistreatment in organizations. An individual endeavoring to apply efficient impact over someone else's psyche through cozy psychological oppression participates in a persistent, complex utilization of force, control, and abuse. There are destitute asylums and specific hotlines for people to contact for crisis help in many states, and non-benefit associations work to battle the shame that individuals experience while announcing these circumstances.
Context Of The Problem
The context of the issue has raised an alarming situation of domestic violence not only in the US but in other nations too. While numerous extra events go unreported, somewhere in the range of 960,000 and 3,000,000 domestic abuse episodes are recorded every year (Hegarty et al., 2020). In the US, an expected ten million individuals get through domestic violence every year. Starting around 2010, Nevada, South Carolina, Tennessee, Louisiana, Virginia, Texas, New Mexico, Hawaii, Arizona, and Georgia had the ten most noteworthy paces of female murders by men (Hegarty et al., 2020). 93% of female casualties in murders in 2009 in which the connection between the person in question and the executioner could be laid out were killed by men they knew, with 63% of those killings occu
ing through a personal connection (Mshweshwe, 2020). During the covid 19 pandemic, this issue of domestic violence has seen an upsurge. Domestic violence is more predominant in cops' families than in the general population, as per a few U.S. studies. The early examination uncovered that somewhere in the range of 24 and 40 per cent of taking part...
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