You’re trying to help—
ut is it working?
elping others is a good thing. Often,
as a leader, manager, doctor, teacher,
or coach, it’s central to your job. But
even the most well-intentioned efforts to
help others can be undermined by a simple
truth: We almost always focus on trying to
“fix” people, co
ecting problems or filling
the gaps between where they are and where
we think they should be. Unfortunately, this
doesn’t work well, if at all, to inspire sustained
learning or positive change.
There’s a better way. In this powerful,
practical book, emotional intelligence expert
Richard Boyatzis and Weatherhead School of
Management colleagues Melvin Smith and
Ellen Van Oosten present a clear and hopeful
message. The way to help someone learn and
change, they say, cannot be focused primarily
on fixing problems, but instead must connect
to that person’s positive vision of themselves
or to an inspiring dream or goal they’ve long
held. This is what great coaches do—they
know that people draw energy from their
visions and dreams, and that same energy
sustains their efforts to change, even through
difficult times. In contrast, problem-centered
approaches trigger physiological responses
that make a person defensive and less open to
new ideas.
The authors use rich and moving real-life
stories, as well as decades of original research,
to show how this distinctively positive mode
of coaching—what they call “coaching with
compassion”—opens people up to thinking
creatively and helps them to learn and grow in
meaningful and sustainable ways.
Filled with probing questions and exercises
that encourage self-reflection, Helping People
Change will forever alter the way all of us
think about and practice what we do when we
try to help.
Jacket des ign: Stephani Finks
Author photos : Danie l Mi lner (Smith , Van Oosten)
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MANAGEMENT US$30.00
“At last, a science-based answer to that all-important question, How can I help?
Whether you are a teacher, manager, parent, healthcare provider, or coach—from Little
League to the executive suite—Helping People Change will give you solid guidance.”
—DANIEL GOLEMAN
Author, Emotional Intelligence; coauthor, Altered Traits
“Not just another book on coaching. Grounded in three decades of research, Helping
People Change tells inspiring stories of ‘coaching with compassion’ to illustrate how
the power of our dreams is the key to making positive change. A playbook for helping
professionals at all levels in the organization.”
—CLAUDY JULES
Director, People Operations, and Lead, Center of Expertise on
Organizational Health and Change, Google
“For desired change to be anything but transitory, individuals must see that change as
a positive extension of their ideal selves. In Helping People Change, Boyatzis, Smith,
and Van Oosten demonstrate the power of coaching with compassion using compelling
examples of individuals tapping into their dreams, growing, and changing their lives.
A powerful, practical guide for a parent, friend, or leader in any organization.”
—JUAN SEGOVIA
Vice President of Operations, Sterigenics
“Boyatzis, Smith, and Van Oosten challenge us to move from a problem-focused
approach to change to a vision-based approach that is designed to
ing out the best
in individuals, groups, and organizations. Helping People Change should be required
eading for all of us who want to make positive changes in the world, at work, at home,
and in our personal lives.”
—JOYCE J. FITZPATRICK
Inaugural Director, Marian K. Shaughnessy Nurse Leadership Academy,
Frances Payne Bolton School of Nursing, Case Western Reserve University
“What is the secret to creating genuine, lasting change in people’s lives? With
compelling research, keen insight, and practical guidance, Boyatzis, Smith, and
Van Oosten show that great coaching is not about fixing someone’s problems but
about tapping into their inspiring personal vision. A landmark book.”
—MARSHALL GOLDSMITH
Author, Triggers, Mojo, and What Got You Here Won’t Get You There
RICHARD BOYATZIS is a
Distinguished University
Professor at Case Western
Reserve University and
an adjunct professor at
the international ESADE
Business School. He is coauthor of Primal
Leadership, Resonant Leadership, and
Becoming a Resonant Leader (Harvard
Business Review Press).
MELVIN SMITH is
a professor and the
Faculty Director of
Executive Education at
the Weatherhead School
of Management at Case
Western Reserve University.
ELLEN VAN OOSTEN is
an associate professor at
the Weatherhead School of
Management and Director
of the Coaching Research
Lab, which she founded with
Richard Boyatzis and Melvin Smith in 2014.
helping people change
Boyatzis
Smith
Van
Oosten
H A R VA R D B U S I N E S S R E V I E W P R E S S
Coaching with Compassion for
helping
people
change
Lifelong Learning and Growth
Richard Boyatzis | Melvin Smith | Ellen Van Oosten
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helping
people
change
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helping
people
change
co n it m si
li n e r g a g t
Richard Boyatzis | Melvin Smith | Ellen Van Oosten
HARVARD B USIN ES S REVIEW PRES S
BOSTO N , MAS SACH USET TS
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Copyright 2019 Richard E. Boyatzis, Melvin Smith, and Ellen Van Oosten
All rights reserved
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval
system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photo-
copying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior permission of the publisher.
Requests for permission should be directed to XXXXXXXXXX, or
mailed to Permissions, Harvard Business School Publishing, 60 Harvard Way, Boston,
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The web addresses referenced in this book were live and co
ect at the time of the book’s
publication but may be subject to change.
Li
ary of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Boyatzis, Richard E., author. | Smith, Melvin (Melvin L.), author. |
Van Oosten, Ellen, author.
Title: Helping people change : coaching with compassion for lifelong learning
and growth / by Richard E. Boyatzis (PhD), Melvin Smith (PhD), Ellen Van
Oosten (PhD).
Description: Boston : Harvard Business Review Press, [2019]
Identifi ers: LCCN XXXXXXXXXX | ISBN XXXXXXXXXXhardcover)
Subjects: LCSH: Personal coaching. | Mentoring. | Self-actualization
(Psychology) | Emotional intelligence.
Classifi cation: LCC BF637.P36 B69 2019 | DDC 158.3—dc23
LC record available at https:
lccn.loc.gov/ XXXXXXXXXX
ISBN: XXXXXXXXXX
eISBN: XXXXXXXXXX
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To Sandy, Jennifer, and Scott,
our spouses and best coaches
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CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ix
1. the heart of helping 1
ho r a y p er r a d w
2. conversations that inspire 13
di v i g t os p an
3. coaching with compassion 29
in r su ne , de d an
4. awakening the desire to change 53
qu on h p jo , g a t e, an r o y
5. survive and thrive 77
t e t in b a
6. the power of a personal vision 101
d e s, no s al
7. cultivating a resonant relationship 127
l i